Well, it finally happened - with a little bit of stress attached. I was aware of the process, however, when I learned there was a new admin at the school, I thought this would create a delay. Not so, and I was pleased.
The interview process with my coach/trainer was good....with all the appropriate questions. My only glitch was in my head. Would they think I was "good enough" to be a life coach? Questions like this in my head aren't unusual... Is that a bad thing? Sometimes... But, this outcome was really out of my hands.....It's not like it was in college. I was in control and I was the only person involved in my outcome. I did the work, I got the grades, and received my degree. This process has someone else in a position of decision....which for me came down to worthiness.
I have a friend who has to remind me that being a child of God already makes me worthy. I trust God in this, but I don't trust the people. Why? Because we are fallible. We have issues, judgements, and opinions.
So now I am certified. I've been working the research necessary to put all the pieces of building a business in place, but I am on hold. Unfortunately, I have to secure daytime employment in order to afford the finances needed to maintain website, referral sites, advertising, media, organizational fees for networking etc. Given my unemployed status since April 09 I am directly affected by the current state of our economy. Am I happy about this? NOT> however I trust God to bring me through it.
"For I have plans for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you, to give you hope for your future." Jer 29:11
Friday, November 6, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
The Waiting ...
These past few weeks, actually since Aug 29th I've been waiting...for certification. I feel confident, not cocky; however, although I have been doing lots of research, purchased coaching tools, and continued coaching two of my practicums' as well as picking up another client, pro bono....I have not assumed my certification. Why? I am waiting on God as well. As much as I have surrendered His will for my life...I will not know that for sure unless I am certified. I have done the work for the program, and my coach was wonderful....one of her last words for me in my interview were "Dianne, over these past 12 weeks, I know your heart." I can't tell you how much that meant to me. Her expression gave me encouragement. I've already said my little ditty "God if it's good for me, let me have it, and if not take it away."
In as much as I have place my faith in God's will, I am still pushing forward. I believe this is where God wants me...to help others. Those who know me well, know my attitude about beating the odds, I don't care what is on the table...we all have capabilities within our power, combined and aligned with God's will, to pursue our dreams. I am pursuing my dream... to impart wisdom, to make others think, to be the devil's advocate when they feel defeated. I have always rallied for the underdog. In coaching, the underdog could very well be all my clients. It will be up to me to encourage them to think about what they want, and then develop a plan to get it. Getting it may not be easy, and it shouldn't be...because, if we are not willing to do the work necessary to achieve our dreams, then what does it say about us? Any of us?
I spoke with one of my PBC's (person's being coached)...and said directly "Only you can make the decision to change the pattern in your life." It's true. Every person I coach will have to make a decision...a decision for change. It will be a wonderful journey for whoever takes on their own personal challenge, to get rid of the gunk in their minds, to overcome the obstacles, to review motives, and to then move toward their ultimate goals.
This is a shorter entry than most, but this is all I needed to say.
In as much as I have place my faith in God's will, I am still pushing forward. I believe this is where God wants me...to help others. Those who know me well, know my attitude about beating the odds, I don't care what is on the table...we all have capabilities within our power, combined and aligned with God's will, to pursue our dreams. I am pursuing my dream... to impart wisdom, to make others think, to be the devil's advocate when they feel defeated. I have always rallied for the underdog. In coaching, the underdog could very well be all my clients. It will be up to me to encourage them to think about what they want, and then develop a plan to get it. Getting it may not be easy, and it shouldn't be...because, if we are not willing to do the work necessary to achieve our dreams, then what does it say about us? Any of us?
I spoke with one of my PBC's (person's being coached)...and said directly "Only you can make the decision to change the pattern in your life." It's true. Every person I coach will have to make a decision...a decision for change. It will be a wonderful journey for whoever takes on their own personal challenge, to get rid of the gunk in their minds, to overcome the obstacles, to review motives, and to then move toward their ultimate goals.
This is a shorter entry than most, but this is all I needed to say.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
God's Perfect Timing, Part 3
Well, I know it's been a few weeks, but with good reason. I had stated in Part 2 there were some things "out there" I needed to think about. Think and pray about.
One of the things I am grateful for these days is the self control I've embraced within my thinking, and actions. I am not so impulsive and can now share readiness for Part 3 of God's Perfect Timing.
Whatever is stated herein has as it's root my experience with Life Coaching training. There's been a lot of introspection. Lots of challenges with letting go and moving forward.
Letting Go
I spent years thinking about the things I knew I needed to let go of, but my year of letting go actually began in 2007. In 2007 I was in a year of saying goodbye to my mother, who was in declining health,and diagnosed with Alzheimer's mid stage; and here I was four hundred plus miles away. It was heart wrenching, but I drove home once a month for the last year of her life, ending in November.
I was also at a crossroads in my marriage. I can say I welcomed the escape to my mother's home, giving me breathing space; to think, to pray, and to try and understand God's will for my life. There were things inside the marriage that were 'just not right' and I knew it. I asked constantly for counseling; it was denied. I was fighting a losing battle. I also knew I wasn't going to tolerate the things that were just not right. When I sought pastoral counseling at the decision of dissolving my marriage, I challenged my counselor for not trying me to convince me to stay. He responded, "If Jesus was sitting right there in that chair, would He tell you to stay?" My God of mercy certainly would not. My God who frowns upon divorce made me wonder. The bible states approval of divorce in only one faction; infidelity. This was not the thorn inside the marriage. So you may wonder, what the heck I'm referring to? It really doesn't need to be displayed here, but know that I have accepted my behavior in the marriage in defense of the offense. I was on survival mode more than not. Enough said.
Letting go of my church family has been very hard. I have missed those I was close to and although I wasn't communicating with them on a regular basis when my marriage was ending, when I stopped attending services many red flags were raised. Those who knew I was on survival mode knew I had come to an impasse. When I reached out, they were there.
Regarding my ex-husband's home; stated specifically as such, on purpose. It was never my house/my home. Oh, I embraced the task of trying to make it a home, and I think I did that, because everyone sang my praises to my decorating skill....thank you HGTV....but the love and peace you envision was a brief visitor. When I stated my decision to leave the marriage, I was told to leave with everything I arrived with (I had a full house when we merged households). I wondered if he really understood what he was demanding. When I would leave with all I brought, his house would echo. ...Enough said here as well.
My job ending in Dec '08 extended through April '09. I was ready to move on, knowing there were no options for me remaining with the company due to the level of downsizing they were involved in.
The loss of each was different. Some were easy, some were hard. I functioned under stress, kept my sense of humor, shared wisdom with friends, made promises of connectedness, and prepared financially for what may come down the road.
Moving Forward
When I was losing my job, so were 22 others on my team. All of us....replaced. There were a lot of rollercoaster emotions over the nine months we waiting to be released. (OK, how many of you just thought about pregnancy/birth with that last sentence?) Well, the women, you can imagine, various stages of life, and desperation. Then we had the three men, cool as cucumbers, said for the one who had a family of five children. He was finally able to transition into another position, and for him I am glad.
To my point; when things were getting hairy I decided to make a wall of quotes in my cubicle. Could I provide hope for the future (Jer 29:11, life scripture)....by my trust in God. My team, aware of my viewpoints, always discreet; an undercurrent of my effect on them. I began with Phil 4:6 "Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." I put up a few others, one funny, and three that just made you think. Others followed...with humor and future goodness prevailing. I was dealing with the loss of the job while still working it with the same level of work ethics I have lived all my life. I tried to be an encouraging spirit to the team. I hope I succeeded.
While dealing with the loss of the job I knew I needed to reinvent myself. God had been whispering to me for a long time, and my experience with my former company was proof of the natural talents I had and how I could use them....hence my walk toward Life Coaching. I have applied myself, immersed myself in the challenges in a genuine God appointed mindset, and have reaped a multitude of benefits. In the meantime, I need a full time job until my Life Coaching practice is up and running as my sole income, so I am looking for new employment, recently interviewing for two positions. Hopefully, something will come my way.
I have come to terms regarding the possibility of me returning to my former church. I had prayed once before for God's direction and remember waking with peace one Sunday, where I decided not ambush my ex-husband by showing up at the same service. It was a challenge by a few, but I just couldn't do it. However, recently....in my search for a new church I still have struggles. I miss my former church family, but I still have them. I don't need the four walls to have them in my life. I have visited a nearby church, but my ex-husband's first wife and children attend. Recently I was at the same service with them and I realized I would still be chiseled into a specific service to avoid someone.....not a good sign. With all I've been through, with all the pastoral counseling, with all the feedback from friends who care about my feelings, and for the whisper of God, I feel I am motivated to finding a new environment for a new start, as I am today....healthy.
So the search continues, but I know God is moving me forward, to prosper me, to give me a hope for a future. I have two other churches on my list, so we'll see where God leads. I need the music of the Evangelical environment...and my final two choices could provide this. One is small, one is huge. In the smaller one, I would be signaled out; I would be the new face. The larger one; I could enjoy a level of anonymity and could get comfortable before someone singled me out. Right now, anonymity would be welcomed. Again we'll see where God leads.
You see, everything really is in God's time and I understand that more now in my life than ever before. I know what He expects of me....I know, and I will address such. I know what is needed for me to move forward and in everything prayer and supplication....for I do not worry....for I trust my Lord and Saviour, with the Holy Spirit to provide the the capability to "hear the whisper of God." - Ralph Waldo Emerson.....I seem to gravitate to this quote....primarily because it hangs my living room and I cannot avoid it's presence.
Letting to and moving forward.....all in God's perfect timing.
One of the things I am grateful for these days is the self control I've embraced within my thinking, and actions. I am not so impulsive and can now share readiness for Part 3 of God's Perfect Timing.
Whatever is stated herein has as it's root my experience with Life Coaching training. There's been a lot of introspection. Lots of challenges with letting go and moving forward.
Letting Go
I spent years thinking about the things I knew I needed to let go of, but my year of letting go actually began in 2007. In 2007 I was in a year of saying goodbye to my mother, who was in declining health,and diagnosed with Alzheimer's mid stage; and here I was four hundred plus miles away. It was heart wrenching, but I drove home once a month for the last year of her life, ending in November.
I was also at a crossroads in my marriage. I can say I welcomed the escape to my mother's home, giving me breathing space; to think, to pray, and to try and understand God's will for my life. There were things inside the marriage that were 'just not right' and I knew it. I asked constantly for counseling; it was denied. I was fighting a losing battle. I also knew I wasn't going to tolerate the things that were just not right. When I sought pastoral counseling at the decision of dissolving my marriage, I challenged my counselor for not trying me to convince me to stay. He responded, "If Jesus was sitting right there in that chair, would He tell you to stay?" My God of mercy certainly would not. My God who frowns upon divorce made me wonder. The bible states approval of divorce in only one faction; infidelity. This was not the thorn inside the marriage. So you may wonder, what the heck I'm referring to? It really doesn't need to be displayed here, but know that I have accepted my behavior in the marriage in defense of the offense. I was on survival mode more than not. Enough said.
Letting go of my church family has been very hard. I have missed those I was close to and although I wasn't communicating with them on a regular basis when my marriage was ending, when I stopped attending services many red flags were raised. Those who knew I was on survival mode knew I had come to an impasse. When I reached out, they were there.
Regarding my ex-husband's home; stated specifically as such, on purpose. It was never my house/my home. Oh, I embraced the task of trying to make it a home, and I think I did that, because everyone sang my praises to my decorating skill....thank you HGTV....but the love and peace you envision was a brief visitor. When I stated my decision to leave the marriage, I was told to leave with everything I arrived with (I had a full house when we merged households). I wondered if he really understood what he was demanding. When I would leave with all I brought, his house would echo. ...Enough said here as well.
My job ending in Dec '08 extended through April '09. I was ready to move on, knowing there were no options for me remaining with the company due to the level of downsizing they were involved in.
The loss of each was different. Some were easy, some were hard. I functioned under stress, kept my sense of humor, shared wisdom with friends, made promises of connectedness, and prepared financially for what may come down the road.
Moving Forward
When I was losing my job, so were 22 others on my team. All of us....replaced. There were a lot of rollercoaster emotions over the nine months we waiting to be released. (OK, how many of you just thought about pregnancy/birth with that last sentence?) Well, the women, you can imagine, various stages of life, and desperation. Then we had the three men, cool as cucumbers, said for the one who had a family of five children. He was finally able to transition into another position, and for him I am glad.
To my point; when things were getting hairy I decided to make a wall of quotes in my cubicle. Could I provide hope for the future (Jer 29:11, life scripture)....by my trust in God. My team, aware of my viewpoints, always discreet; an undercurrent of my effect on them. I began with Phil 4:6 "Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." I put up a few others, one funny, and three that just made you think. Others followed...with humor and future goodness prevailing. I was dealing with the loss of the job while still working it with the same level of work ethics I have lived all my life. I tried to be an encouraging spirit to the team. I hope I succeeded.
While dealing with the loss of the job I knew I needed to reinvent myself. God had been whispering to me for a long time, and my experience with my former company was proof of the natural talents I had and how I could use them....hence my walk toward Life Coaching. I have applied myself, immersed myself in the challenges in a genuine God appointed mindset, and have reaped a multitude of benefits. In the meantime, I need a full time job until my Life Coaching practice is up and running as my sole income, so I am looking for new employment, recently interviewing for two positions. Hopefully, something will come my way.
I have come to terms regarding the possibility of me returning to my former church. I had prayed once before for God's direction and remember waking with peace one Sunday, where I decided not ambush my ex-husband by showing up at the same service. It was a challenge by a few, but I just couldn't do it. However, recently....in my search for a new church I still have struggles. I miss my former church family, but I still have them. I don't need the four walls to have them in my life. I have visited a nearby church, but my ex-husband's first wife and children attend. Recently I was at the same service with them and I realized I would still be chiseled into a specific service to avoid someone.....not a good sign. With all I've been through, with all the pastoral counseling, with all the feedback from friends who care about my feelings, and for the whisper of God, I feel I am motivated to finding a new environment for a new start, as I am today....healthy.
So the search continues, but I know God is moving me forward, to prosper me, to give me a hope for a future. I have two other churches on my list, so we'll see where God leads. I need the music of the Evangelical environment...and my final two choices could provide this. One is small, one is huge. In the smaller one, I would be signaled out; I would be the new face. The larger one; I could enjoy a level of anonymity and could get comfortable before someone singled me out. Right now, anonymity would be welcomed. Again we'll see where God leads.
You see, everything really is in God's time and I understand that more now in my life than ever before. I know what He expects of me....I know, and I will address such. I know what is needed for me to move forward and in everything prayer and supplication....for I do not worry....for I trust my Lord and Saviour, with the Holy Spirit to provide the the capability to "hear the whisper of God." - Ralph Waldo Emerson.....I seem to gravitate to this quote....primarily because it hangs my living room and I cannot avoid it's presence.
Letting to and moving forward.....all in God's perfect timing.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
God's Perfect Timing, Part 2
I've been immersed in the curriculum for my life coach certification program, due to impending practicum processes. This practicum is necessary for my certification. I alerted a few, namely, three friends of mine and expressed my need of their help. At the same time I thought how I would motivate change for their lives in just four weeks? Seems daunting; however, I can say I had three women, then two, then three again....women in my life who would allow me to use them as a guinea pig for my growth. Ask for help? Dare them to dream something different? Would I be able to motivate them enough to embrace some level of change in their lives? Well, that's what the practicum process is all about. It's time for me to role play, if you will....to behave and facilitate the most ideal manner of presentation of life coaching possibilities, and involvement. I am humbled by the path God has led me. I have always wanted to be the person who gave the up side of things, and believe me when I say; it is only this segment of my life where I actually have the internal spirit to "give the up side;" to share what I've been through, to let them imagine the same for their lives. God's timing is everything....I don't care what you are up against.....He will let you know what to do, in a very simple manner; yet the simple manner of presentation is perhaps the thing that scares the pants off some people. God will always give that gentle nudge....the nudge I endeavor to build in my life coaching. I'll do the nudging...God will lead and the Holy Spirit will guide....all to the point God has planned.
Ok, that was a particular idealistic viewpoint, but let me admit....I believe this. I know there are many others who believe it also, and when you accept God as your Father, the parent who tough loves....who is merciful....I want to remind you - God has had the plan for our lives before we were a twinkle in our parents eyes. His plan for our lives will unfold, if we understand He is the core of our existence, and as His children, find all our blessings if we listen to "the whisper of God." - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Sidebar: I continue to journal; but I have to interject an admission I wrote just last week....it amazes me how I begin a topic, and my fingers just type whatever they are motivated by. Sometimes this bothers me because I think I always interrupt myself. However, it is another notion of God's perfect timing...God directed, Holy Spirit guided, I type.
I always start the "discourse," but I have to say it kinda freaks me out as to what transmits from my brain the the keyboard.....and when I reread? Well....I try not to edit...because I believe God's hand is in what I choose to communicate. I always trust where He leads me in thought, especially when I continue to strive to be my authentic self.
I have a followup to Part 1, because I'm typing Part 2 - I have much more to say on the possibility of me returning to my home church. Recent events have brought much revelation, and before I go into any sharing, I'd like to absorb what is swirling in my head at the moment.
OK, something freaky just happened! I'm sitting here typing, and I am intrigued by the music on the Jazz station....lo! and behold, the title of the song...?! You're not gonna believe it, but the title is "Take Me To Your Heaven?!" So now? I just want to dance!
Everything in God's Perfect Timing.....
Ok, that was a particular idealistic viewpoint, but let me admit....I believe this. I know there are many others who believe it also, and when you accept God as your Father, the parent who tough loves....who is merciful....I want to remind you - God has had the plan for our lives before we were a twinkle in our parents eyes. His plan for our lives will unfold, if we understand He is the core of our existence, and as His children, find all our blessings if we listen to "the whisper of God." - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Sidebar: I continue to journal; but I have to interject an admission I wrote just last week....it amazes me how I begin a topic, and my fingers just type whatever they are motivated by. Sometimes this bothers me because I think I always interrupt myself. However, it is another notion of God's perfect timing...God directed, Holy Spirit guided, I type.
I always start the "discourse," but I have to say it kinda freaks me out as to what transmits from my brain the the keyboard.....and when I reread? Well....I try not to edit...because I believe God's hand is in what I choose to communicate. I always trust where He leads me in thought, especially when I continue to strive to be my authentic self.
I have a followup to Part 1, because I'm typing Part 2 - I have much more to say on the possibility of me returning to my home church. Recent events have brought much revelation, and before I go into any sharing, I'd like to absorb what is swirling in my head at the moment.
OK, something freaky just happened! I'm sitting here typing, and I am intrigued by the music on the Jazz station....lo! and behold, the title of the song...?! You're not gonna believe it, but the title is "Take Me To Your Heaven?!" So now? I just want to dance!
Everything in God's Perfect Timing.....
Thursday, July 16, 2009
God's Perfect Timing
As I have become immersed in this Life Certification certification program, I have been faced with many challenges. I have looked inside, and found some things I'm not exactly on target with; like the dreaded treadmill. I hate the treadmill, and the only thing that prompted me to use it is the desire to lose the last 20 lbs of my marriage, and to not waste the money used to purchase this for me as a gift. However, I have found, that maybe I'm not ready to lose the last 20 lbs. As a matter of fact, once I proposed the 5 x 30 x 4 program (5 days, 30 minutes, 4 weeks).....I faced the challenge of follow through, which is exactly what I will hope to see from any person I may have the privilege to coach. When I accepted the challenge for the treadmill I did ok the first week, then I went camping for a week, and by the time I got back, I wrenched my right knee pretty bad when I attempted to hoist the kitty litter (28 lbs) into the trunk of my car. I didn't hear anything pop (maybe I didn't tear the ACL, or the minuscus), but my knee and the muscles around it did not move together. I have been in pain, have no insurance, and have babied the knee since. Not a time for an injury since I was laid off. SO, the pressure of the treadmill of off, but it makes me wonder about God's perfect timing.
During this certification program, I have previously discussed the challenge to find my authentic self. What has bothered me all this time is the fact that for the first time in 15 years, I have been without a church. I left my church last year when my marriage was falling apart. You may wonder why would choose to leave at that point? Well, there were specific reasons; and I don't need to begin a diatribe about that, but let's assume the reasons were good for me at that time. Even through the divorce, I missed my church family, but I stayed away from most....holding just two or three friends close. Again, there were good reasons. However, the challenge to find my authentic self.....includes church. When I realized how church identified my authentic self I became sad I was not attending my church. I also realized I needed to really look at the possibility of returning. I requested prayer "for clarity of thought". I sought Godly counsel from women I trust. I had the information I needed to make a decision. Two days after my prayer request, I woke up with a very peaceful feeling....I realized that as much as I willingly left my church, I needed to just let things be. A very close friend told me I was more loving than she would have been....now, don't think harshly...she spoke out of my sadness of not returning.
So, when I speak of God's Perfect Timing I really need to share three examples. Sometimes we just don't know what God has in mind...Here's what I discovered.
I had made a decision a few months ago to do what I could to reconcile with those I may have injured, those I felt abandoned by, rejected by....oh, what divorce can do to your logic~ Given this desire, I decided I would accept any social invitation I received, regardless of the people I may be mingling with. I would accept with fear, but knew God would take care of me. On one of these invites I was able to connect with women from church; from my Worship Team, whom I have missed, and hoped would welcome me. If not, so be it, but it wouldn't be for me "not trying." The evening was a success, I had a blast, and was able to reconcile with two who may have had reservations about me. They embraced me.....and I embraced them; so much that I felt a lot of fear fade away.
The next example of God's Perfect Timing was another attempt by me to reconcile with someone I had very anxious feelings regarding a friendship. When I connected?....at first it was very unsettling. I shared my fears, and the outcome I had come to....but upon her response, I realized how wrong I was, but I also realized that over the time of our friendship.....neither of us was really honest with each other regarding "the marriage".....and when the truth came out I realized she really understood, and we actually agreed on many tenants. We each apologized and we are good.
The third example of God's Perfect Timing was the lunch I had with a dear friend who I - basically - judged. Shame on me, and although I knew I was unfair, pride got in my way, and the relationship was stagnant through the process of my divorce. Recently, we communicated via email, which was a first step forward, but I still needed to apologize, in person; hence the lunch date this week, and she was gracious enough to tell me 'all is well.'
OK, so there's a fourth example of God's Perfect Timing! While I was lunching with my friend I shared my attempt to find good reason to return to church. Albeit I left, I did so to send up as many red flags as possible! I was drowning in my prison, and I needed someone to rescue me....or at least come by my side. Those intimate friends who held on to me knew I was approaching my breaking point, and one knew I was on survival mode, when she hugged me one Sunday morning, and whispered in my ear, You're on survival mode, aren't you,? to which I whispered a soft cry, "Yes, I am....." This was the only necessary comment. My friend knew exactly what was involved. My other two friends were not far behind. My lunch friend told me I had every right to return to the church even though my ex-husband attends; I'm told infrequently. I drove home in the hope this is God's will. There are a few who are concerned I might expect too much in a return. Would I be received with love? They do not want me to be hurt, but let me say, in my Godly counsel, I identified this experience as a time to "face my giants." My lunch friend asked me who the giant was? The church...or...my ex-husband. I responded, "My ex-husband."
You see I am not quite ready to forgive, and even though I know I need to in order to continue to receive God's grace, and ironically enough, my devotions this week have focused on forgiveness, I am aware and praying for God to heal my heart. There are more days that go by without any thought of the struggles, or the pain. This is improvement. I have many in my corner, and I am blessed to call them friends. I continue to pray for God's will in my life.....and I have a prayer posse who is with me, supporting me; however, I'm sure they're still wondering why I haven't given it ALL up to God yet? You see, everything is in God's Perfect Timing.
You should know, I will say my little ditty, referred to in a previous blog.
God, if it's good for me, let me have it; and if not...take it away.
During this certification program, I have previously discussed the challenge to find my authentic self. What has bothered me all this time is the fact that for the first time in 15 years, I have been without a church. I left my church last year when my marriage was falling apart. You may wonder why would choose to leave at that point? Well, there were specific reasons; and I don't need to begin a diatribe about that, but let's assume the reasons were good for me at that time. Even through the divorce, I missed my church family, but I stayed away from most....holding just two or three friends close. Again, there were good reasons. However, the challenge to find my authentic self.....includes church. When I realized how church identified my authentic self I became sad I was not attending my church. I also realized I needed to really look at the possibility of returning. I requested prayer "for clarity of thought". I sought Godly counsel from women I trust. I had the information I needed to make a decision. Two days after my prayer request, I woke up with a very peaceful feeling....I realized that as much as I willingly left my church, I needed to just let things be. A very close friend told me I was more loving than she would have been....now, don't think harshly...she spoke out of my sadness of not returning.
So, when I speak of God's Perfect Timing I really need to share three examples. Sometimes we just don't know what God has in mind...Here's what I discovered.
I had made a decision a few months ago to do what I could to reconcile with those I may have injured, those I felt abandoned by, rejected by....oh, what divorce can do to your logic~ Given this desire, I decided I would accept any social invitation I received, regardless of the people I may be mingling with. I would accept with fear, but knew God would take care of me. On one of these invites I was able to connect with women from church; from my Worship Team, whom I have missed, and hoped would welcome me. If not, so be it, but it wouldn't be for me "not trying." The evening was a success, I had a blast, and was able to reconcile with two who may have had reservations about me. They embraced me.....and I embraced them; so much that I felt a lot of fear fade away.
The next example of God's Perfect Timing was another attempt by me to reconcile with someone I had very anxious feelings regarding a friendship. When I connected?....at first it was very unsettling. I shared my fears, and the outcome I had come to....but upon her response, I realized how wrong I was, but I also realized that over the time of our friendship.....neither of us was really honest with each other regarding "the marriage".....and when the truth came out I realized she really understood, and we actually agreed on many tenants. We each apologized and we are good.
The third example of God's Perfect Timing was the lunch I had with a dear friend who I - basically - judged. Shame on me, and although I knew I was unfair, pride got in my way, and the relationship was stagnant through the process of my divorce. Recently, we communicated via email, which was a first step forward, but I still needed to apologize, in person; hence the lunch date this week, and she was gracious enough to tell me 'all is well.'
OK, so there's a fourth example of God's Perfect Timing! While I was lunching with my friend I shared my attempt to find good reason to return to church. Albeit I left, I did so to send up as many red flags as possible! I was drowning in my prison, and I needed someone to rescue me....or at least come by my side. Those intimate friends who held on to me knew I was approaching my breaking point, and one knew I was on survival mode, when she hugged me one Sunday morning, and whispered in my ear, You're on survival mode, aren't you,? to which I whispered a soft cry, "Yes, I am....." This was the only necessary comment. My friend knew exactly what was involved. My other two friends were not far behind. My lunch friend told me I had every right to return to the church even though my ex-husband attends; I'm told infrequently. I drove home in the hope this is God's will. There are a few who are concerned I might expect too much in a return. Would I be received with love? They do not want me to be hurt, but let me say, in my Godly counsel, I identified this experience as a time to "face my giants." My lunch friend asked me who the giant was? The church...or...my ex-husband. I responded, "My ex-husband."
You see I am not quite ready to forgive, and even though I know I need to in order to continue to receive God's grace, and ironically enough, my devotions this week have focused on forgiveness, I am aware and praying for God to heal my heart. There are more days that go by without any thought of the struggles, or the pain. This is improvement. I have many in my corner, and I am blessed to call them friends. I continue to pray for God's will in my life.....and I have a prayer posse who is with me, supporting me; however, I'm sure they're still wondering why I haven't given it ALL up to God yet? You see, everything is in God's Perfect Timing.
You should know, I will say my little ditty, referred to in a previous blog.
God, if it's good for me, let me have it; and if not...take it away.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Sometimes I am 5
The one thing I have learned in the last few years is how to be middle of the road...which comes down to not judging. You hold your "own" value system and are subjected, by the media, to view many other opinions, amongst the world, your family, your friends, your peers. I have always tried to give many the benefit of the doubt...and have also been naive enough to think that most people tell the truth. I have, in my lifetime, been called gullible. Once, my Mom told me the word was plastered on my forehead...lol. I couldn't fault her...she was right. However, over the years, as much as I am strong, there is the naive part of me that relates to the innocence of a child. Sometimes I am 5.
I have never believed there was one singular viewpoint on anything;however, the rigid, ultra-conservative, legalistic personality has no room in my world. As Christians, we, as disciples of Christ, should be tolerant of those who do not view the world as we do. The only thing we can do is teach by example. How are we to walk the same walk as Jesus if we do not love 'everybody?' I have been challenged in the past year to be tolerant; toward the one who hurt. Sometimes I am 5.
Throughout my life I understand that I, along with millions of other people have suffered. Life means growing, and struggle is necessary for growth. Albeit the maturation of my own being, there is still the little girl in me looking for acceptance. But the really cool thing? Even this mature woman who understands her five year old within knows, that God is my acceptance, my salvation. It doesn't matter who I present to the world....the mature woman, or the child within me who engages all in her path. I kinda like me at 5. I had no worries, I was happy and all proof of that was the receipt of my "Susie" doll at Christmas.
When I am 5, I believe all which is told me. My mother always said it is wrong to lie. When I am 5, I listen to the adult talk and wonder what it would be like to be an adult. When I am 5, I remember touching the skin of my Aunt Florence, who had the silkiest face I can recall. I miss the touch, but I have the memory. Sometimes I am 5.
I think I like the memory of my 5 year old...she comforts me. She brings me the peace of innocence. As an adult, I look up to God to give me the comfort of the 5 year old child within me.
Oh, sometimes I am 5...because by the time I was 9 all hell broke loose...
I have never believed there was one singular viewpoint on anything;however, the rigid, ultra-conservative, legalistic personality has no room in my world. As Christians, we, as disciples of Christ, should be tolerant of those who do not view the world as we do. The only thing we can do is teach by example. How are we to walk the same walk as Jesus if we do not love 'everybody?' I have been challenged in the past year to be tolerant; toward the one who hurt. Sometimes I am 5.
Throughout my life I understand that I, along with millions of other people have suffered. Life means growing, and struggle is necessary for growth. Albeit the maturation of my own being, there is still the little girl in me looking for acceptance. But the really cool thing? Even this mature woman who understands her five year old within knows, that God is my acceptance, my salvation. It doesn't matter who I present to the world....the mature woman, or the child within me who engages all in her path. I kinda like me at 5. I had no worries, I was happy and all proof of that was the receipt of my "Susie" doll at Christmas.
When I am 5, I believe all which is told me. My mother always said it is wrong to lie. When I am 5, I listen to the adult talk and wonder what it would be like to be an adult. When I am 5, I remember touching the skin of my Aunt Florence, who had the silkiest face I can recall. I miss the touch, but I have the memory. Sometimes I am 5.
I think I like the memory of my 5 year old...she comforts me. She brings me the peace of innocence. As an adult, I look up to God to give me the comfort of the 5 year old child within me.
Oh, sometimes I am 5...because by the time I was 9 all hell broke loose...
Friday, July 10, 2009
What's it all about... Jesus?
what's it all about Jesus
is it just for the moment we live
what's it all about when you sort it out Jesus
are we meant to take more than we give
or are we meant to be kind
and if only fools are kind Jesus
then i guess it's wise to be cruel
and if life belongs only to the strong Jesus
what will you lend on an old golden rule
as sure as i believe there's something much more
something even non-believers can believe in
i believe in love Jesus
without true love we just exist Jesus
until you find the love you've missed you're nothing Jesus
when you walk let your heart lead the way
and you'll find love any day Jesus, Jesus...
The title of my blog today was quite random; this was not on the docket; however, I believe God had another idea where, as spontaneously as I typed in my title, I thought, "So what's it all about Alfie?"....hence, the spontaneous combustion of current thoughts. I related to the song "Alfie" by Dionne Warwick, from the movie of said name, for no particular reason other than to try and capture a catchy phrase for my title, but God led, and I typed. I exchanged the name of Alfie for Jesus, like I would do when I personalized scripture for me. Look at the lyrics again...it's all about love and acceptance.
My responses to above lyrics...
Yes, it is about the moment we live;your choice to love or not
Yes, we are meant to take more than we can give; how else can we be humble
Yes, we are meant to be kind
If fools are kind, then the wise are fools
And life does not 'just' belong to the strong
for the weak teach us about the golden rule
we all believe in love
without it we just can't exist
until you find the love you've missed you're nothing
when you walk let your heart lead the way
and you'll find love any day Jesus, Jesus...
I am now in the first stage of the most important part of my Christian Life Coach training program. I am now immersed in the book connected to the manual. I have just finished my first exam and can I say how humbled I am by the reiteration of what it will mean to be a "Life Coach." I take it quite seriously; however, I have recently been curious as to other's perception as to my skills necessary for a Life Coach title. There are many who will remember the years I struggled with depression and say, "Eeewww, Dianne? as Life Coach?....hhhmmm.
The one thing I have learned as I entered into my prime...(well, my prime is my 50's)where we really only need one permission; Gods.' He will be the only one to judge. What consumes my thoughts more than anything? I have spent numerous hours wondering as to why God has put me through so much.....but I always come back to the fact that I believe God will grow me...
There's a part of my world where I fear those who don't think me qualified; albeit my 17 years as a growing Christian, nor the fact that I graduated Cum Laude from the University of NH with a BA in Communications. What many may not realize is that I chose Communications because it was SO easy. I'm a natural...and I'm guilty of choozing something within my spiritual gifts; faith, wisdom, mercy. I understand those who fall and are embarrassed by such. I say? "Give it up to God and you'll be just fine." It may sound trite, but the concept is so simple.
I gave it up, a long time ago, trying to understand how I am able to connect with people. I leaned on God to give me the wisdom to understand such. On one hand it's quite simple, on the other hand, it's quite complicated. While I take this Life Coach course under the Christian format, I sometimes wonder for those who knew me in the throes of depression? - will they give me credit for the growth out of the depression? Do they know the "homework" my counselor gave me to understand the differences between logical and illogical thinking? My counselor taught me the percentage of responsibility I should take when a relationship is in trouble. I learned I only had to accept 50%, rather than the 150% I was used to absorbing. Are they aware that I will always be sensitive? - and perhaps that will be my calling card? I am sensitive, so be it - I am sensitive to the human spirit. It kills me when I see friends suffering. It kills me to think they feel they have no power over their world. No Way. There is no way God wants us to be sheltered, ignorant, beaten down, left without hope. My life scripture is Jer 29:11...where God give us a hope for the future.
Well, I have to tell you...I am on the way to my future, to being the woman God has deemed to be, qualified with love, and I will not allow peoples' previous predjuices or any fears I may have in preventing me from being my most excellent self, and if I'm challenged by my exerpts here? Well,I don't think I want to be at the knees of Jesus and admit I wasted the talents he provided me.
God is SO good....
is it just for the moment we live
what's it all about when you sort it out Jesus
are we meant to take more than we give
or are we meant to be kind
and if only fools are kind Jesus
then i guess it's wise to be cruel
and if life belongs only to the strong Jesus
what will you lend on an old golden rule
as sure as i believe there's something much more
something even non-believers can believe in
i believe in love Jesus
without true love we just exist Jesus
until you find the love you've missed you're nothing Jesus
when you walk let your heart lead the way
and you'll find love any day Jesus, Jesus...
The title of my blog today was quite random; this was not on the docket; however, I believe God had another idea where, as spontaneously as I typed in my title, I thought, "So what's it all about Alfie?"....hence, the spontaneous combustion of current thoughts. I related to the song "Alfie" by Dionne Warwick, from the movie of said name, for no particular reason other than to try and capture a catchy phrase for my title, but God led, and I typed. I exchanged the name of Alfie for Jesus, like I would do when I personalized scripture for me. Look at the lyrics again...it's all about love and acceptance.
My responses to above lyrics...
Yes, it is about the moment we live;your choice to love or not
Yes, we are meant to take more than we can give; how else can we be humble
Yes, we are meant to be kind
If fools are kind, then the wise are fools
And life does not 'just' belong to the strong
for the weak teach us about the golden rule
we all believe in love
without it we just can't exist
until you find the love you've missed you're nothing
when you walk let your heart lead the way
and you'll find love any day Jesus, Jesus...
I am now in the first stage of the most important part of my Christian Life Coach training program. I am now immersed in the book connected to the manual. I have just finished my first exam and can I say how humbled I am by the reiteration of what it will mean to be a "Life Coach." I take it quite seriously; however, I have recently been curious as to other's perception as to my skills necessary for a Life Coach title. There are many who will remember the years I struggled with depression and say, "Eeewww, Dianne? as Life Coach?....hhhmmm.
The one thing I have learned as I entered into my prime...(well, my prime is my 50's)where we really only need one permission; Gods.' He will be the only one to judge. What consumes my thoughts more than anything? I have spent numerous hours wondering as to why God has put me through so much.....but I always come back to the fact that I believe God will grow me...
There's a part of my world where I fear those who don't think me qualified; albeit my 17 years as a growing Christian, nor the fact that I graduated Cum Laude from the University of NH with a BA in Communications. What many may not realize is that I chose Communications because it was SO easy. I'm a natural...and I'm guilty of choozing something within my spiritual gifts; faith, wisdom, mercy. I understand those who fall and are embarrassed by such. I say? "Give it up to God and you'll be just fine." It may sound trite, but the concept is so simple.
I gave it up, a long time ago, trying to understand how I am able to connect with people. I leaned on God to give me the wisdom to understand such. On one hand it's quite simple, on the other hand, it's quite complicated. While I take this Life Coach course under the Christian format, I sometimes wonder for those who knew me in the throes of depression? - will they give me credit for the growth out of the depression? Do they know the "homework" my counselor gave me to understand the differences between logical and illogical thinking? My counselor taught me the percentage of responsibility I should take when a relationship is in trouble. I learned I only had to accept 50%, rather than the 150% I was used to absorbing. Are they aware that I will always be sensitive? - and perhaps that will be my calling card? I am sensitive, so be it - I am sensitive to the human spirit. It kills me when I see friends suffering. It kills me to think they feel they have no power over their world. No Way. There is no way God wants us to be sheltered, ignorant, beaten down, left without hope. My life scripture is Jer 29:11...where God give us a hope for the future.
Well, I have to tell you...I am on the way to my future, to being the woman God has deemed to be, qualified with love, and I will not allow peoples' previous predjuices or any fears I may have in preventing me from being my most excellent self, and if I'm challenged by my exerpts here? Well,I don't think I want to be at the knees of Jesus and admit I wasted the talents he provided me.
God is SO good....
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