God's Perfect Timing

As I have become immersed in this Life Certification certification program, I have been faced with many challenges. I have looked inside, and found some things I'm not exactly on target with; like the dreaded treadmill. I hate the treadmill, and the only thing that prompted me to use it is the desire to lose the last 20 lbs of my marriage, and to not waste the money used to purchase this for me as a gift. However, I have found, that maybe I'm not ready to lose the last 20 lbs. As a matter of fact, once I proposed the 5 x 30 x 4 program (5 days, 30 minutes, 4 weeks).....I faced the challenge of follow through, which is exactly what I will hope to see from any person I may have the privilege to coach. When I accepted the challenge for the treadmill I did ok the first week, then I went camping for a week, and by the time I got back, I wrenched my right knee pretty bad when I attempted to hoist the kitty litter (28 lbs) into the trunk of my car. I didn't hear anything pop (maybe I didn't tear the ACL, or the minuscus), but my knee and the muscles around it did not move together. I have been in pain, have no insurance, and have babied the knee since. Not a time for an injury since I was laid off. SO, the pressure of the treadmill of off, but it makes me wonder about God's perfect timing.

During this certification program, I have previously discussed the challenge to find my authentic self. What has bothered me all this time is the fact that for the first time in 15 years, I have been without a church. I left my church last year when my marriage was falling apart. You may wonder why would choose to leave at that point? Well, there were specific reasons; and I don't need to begin a diatribe about that, but let's assume the reasons were good for me at that time. Even through the divorce, I missed my church family, but I stayed away from most....holding just two or three friends close. Again, there were good reasons. However, the challenge to find my authentic self.....includes church. When I realized how church identified my authentic self I became sad I was not attending my church. I also realized I needed to really look at the possibility of returning. I requested prayer "for clarity of thought". I sought Godly counsel from women I trust. I had the information I needed to make a decision. Two days after my prayer request, I woke up with a very peaceful feeling....I realized that as much as I willingly left my church, I needed to just let things be. A very close friend told me I was more loving than she would have been....now, don't think harshly...she spoke out of my sadness of not returning.

So, when I speak of God's Perfect Timing I really need to share three examples. Sometimes we just don't know what God has in mind...Here's what I discovered.

I had made a decision a few months ago to do what I could to reconcile with those I may have injured, those I felt abandoned by, rejected by....oh, what divorce can do to your logic~ Given this desire, I decided I would accept any social invitation I received, regardless of the people I may be mingling with. I would accept with fear, but knew God would take care of me. On one of these invites I was able to connect with women from church; from my Worship Team, whom I have missed, and hoped would welcome me. If not, so be it, but it wouldn't be for me "not trying." The evening was a success, I had a blast, and was able to reconcile with two who may have had reservations about me. They embraced me.....and I embraced them; so much that I felt a lot of fear fade away.

The next example of God's Perfect Timing was another attempt by me to reconcile with someone I had very anxious feelings regarding a friendship. When I connected?....at first it was very unsettling. I shared my fears, and the outcome I had come to....but upon her response, I realized how wrong I was, but I also realized that over the time of our friendship.....neither of us was really honest with each other regarding "the marriage".....and when the truth came out I realized she really understood, and we actually agreed on many tenants. We each apologized and we are good.

The third example of God's Perfect Timing was the lunch I had with a dear friend who I - basically - judged. Shame on me, and although I knew I was unfair, pride got in my way, and the relationship was stagnant through the process of my divorce. Recently, we communicated via email, which was a first step forward, but I still needed to apologize, in person; hence the lunch date this week, and she was gracious enough to tell me 'all is well.'

OK, so there's a fourth example of God's Perfect Timing! While I was lunching with my friend I shared my attempt to find good reason to return to church. Albeit I left, I did so to send up as many red flags as possible! I was drowning in my prison, and I needed someone to rescue me....or at least come by my side. Those intimate friends who held on to me knew I was approaching my breaking point, and one knew I was on survival mode, when she hugged me one Sunday morning, and whispered in my ear, You're on survival mode, aren't you,? to which I whispered a soft cry, "Yes, I am....." This was the only necessary comment. My friend knew exactly what was involved. My other two friends were not far behind. My lunch friend told me I had every right to return to the church even though my ex-husband attends; I'm told infrequently. I drove home in the hope this is God's will. There are a few who are concerned I might expect too much in a return. Would I be received with love? They do not want me to be hurt, but let me say, in my Godly counsel, I identified this experience as a time to "face my giants." My lunch friend asked me who the giant was? The church...or...my ex-husband. I responded, "My ex-husband."

You see I am not quite ready to forgive, and even though I know I need to in order to continue to receive God's grace, and ironically enough, my devotions this week have focused on forgiveness, I am aware and praying for God to heal my heart. There are more days that go by without any thought of the struggles, or the pain. This is improvement. I have many in my corner, and I am blessed to call them friends. I continue to pray for God's will in my life.....and I have a prayer posse who is with me, supporting me; however, I'm sure they're still wondering why I haven't given it ALL up to God yet? You see, everything is in God's Perfect Timing.

You should know, I will say my little ditty, referred to in a previous blog.

God, if it's good for me, let me have it; and if not...take it away.

Sometimes I am 5

The one thing I have learned in the last few years is how to be middle of the road...which comes down to not judging. You hold your "own" value system and are subjected, by the media, to view many other opinions, amongst the world, your family, your friends, your peers. I have always tried to give many the benefit of the doubt...and have also been naive enough to think that most people tell the truth. I have, in my lifetime, been called gullible. Once, my Mom told me the word was plastered on my forehead...lol. I couldn't fault her...she was right. However, over the years, as much as I am strong, there is the naive part of me that relates to the innocence of a child. Sometimes I am 5.

I have never believed there was one singular viewpoint on anything;however, the rigid, ultra-conservative, legalistic personality has no room in my world. As Christians, we, as disciples of Christ, should be tolerant of those who do not view the world as we do. The only thing we can do is teach by example. How are we to walk the same walk as Jesus if we do not love 'everybody?' I have been challenged in the past year to be tolerant; toward the one who hurt. Sometimes I am 5.

Throughout my life I understand that I, along with millions of other people have suffered. Life means growing, and struggle is necessary for growth. Albeit the maturation of my own being, there is still the little girl in me looking for acceptance. But the really cool thing? Even this mature woman who understands her five year old within knows, that God is my acceptance, my salvation. It doesn't matter who I present to the world....the mature woman, or the child within me who engages all in her path. I kinda like me at 5. I had no worries, I was happy and all proof of that was the receipt of my "Susie" doll at Christmas.

When I am 5, I believe all which is told me. My mother always said it is wrong to lie. When I am 5, I listen to the adult talk and wonder what it would be like to be an adult. When I am 5, I remember touching the skin of my Aunt Florence, who had the silkiest face I can recall. I miss the touch, but I have the memory. Sometimes I am 5.

I think I like the memory of my 5 year old...she comforts me. She brings me the peace of innocence. As an adult, I look up to God to give me the comfort of the 5 year old child within me.

Oh, sometimes I am 5...because by the time I was 9 all hell broke loose...

What's it all about... Jesus?

what's it all about Jesus
is it just for the moment we live
what's it all about when you sort it out Jesus
are we meant to take more than we give
or are we meant to be kind
and if only fools are kind Jesus
then i guess it's wise to be cruel
and if life belongs only to the strong Jesus
what will you lend on an old golden rule
as sure as i believe there's something much more
something even non-believers can believe in
i believe in love Jesus
without true love we just exist Jesus
until you find the love you've missed you're nothing Jesus
when you walk let your heart lead the way
and you'll find love any day Jesus, Jesus...


The title of my blog today was quite random; this was not on the docket; however, I believe God had another idea where, as spontaneously as I typed in my title, I thought, "So what's it all about Alfie?"....hence, the spontaneous combustion of current thoughts. I related to the song "Alfie" by Dionne Warwick, from the movie of said name, for no particular reason other than to try and capture a catchy phrase for my title, but God led, and I typed. I exchanged the name of Alfie for Jesus, like I would do when I personalized scripture for me. Look at the lyrics again...it's all about love and acceptance.

My responses to above lyrics...

Yes, it is about the moment we live;your choice to love or not
Yes, we are meant to take more than we can give; how else can we be humble
Yes, we are meant to be kind
If fools are kind, then the wise are fools
And life does not 'just' belong to the strong
for the weak teach us about the golden rule
we all believe in love
without it we just can't exist
until you find the love you've missed you're nothing
when you walk let your heart lead the way
and you'll find love any day Jesus, Jesus...


I am now in the first stage of the most important part of my Christian Life Coach training program. I am now immersed in the book connected to the manual. I have just finished my first exam and can I say how humbled I am by the reiteration of what it will mean to be a "Life Coach." I take it quite seriously; however, I have recently been curious as to other's perception as to my skills necessary for a Life Coach title. There are many who will remember the years I struggled with depression and say, "Eeewww, Dianne? as Life Coach?....hhhmmm.

The one thing I have learned as I entered into my prime...(well, my prime is my 50's)where we really only need one permission; Gods.' He will be the only one to judge. What consumes my thoughts more than anything? I have spent numerous hours wondering as to why God has put me through so much.....but I always come back to the fact that I believe God will grow me...

There's a part of my world where I fear those who don't think me qualified; albeit my 17 years as a growing Christian, nor the fact that I graduated Cum Laude from the University of NH with a BA in Communications. What many may not realize is that I chose Communications because it was SO easy. I'm a natural...and I'm guilty of choozing something within my spiritual gifts; faith, wisdom, mercy. I understand those who fall and are embarrassed by such. I say? "Give it up to God and you'll be just fine." It may sound trite, but the concept is so simple.

I gave it up, a long time ago, trying to understand how I am able to connect with people. I leaned on God to give me the wisdom to understand such. On one hand it's quite simple, on the other hand, it's quite complicated. While I take this Life Coach course under the Christian format, I sometimes wonder for those who knew me in the throes of depression? - will they give me credit for the growth out of the depression? Do they know the "homework" my counselor gave me to understand the differences between logical and illogical thinking? My counselor taught me the percentage of responsibility I should take when a relationship is in trouble. I learned I only had to accept 50%, rather than the 150% I was used to absorbing. Are they aware that I will always be sensitive? - and perhaps that will be my calling card? I am sensitive, so be it - I am sensitive to the human spirit. It kills me when I see friends suffering. It kills me to think they feel they have no power over their world. No Way. There is no way God wants us to be sheltered, ignorant, beaten down, left without hope. My life scripture is Jer 29:11...where God give us a hope for the future.

Well, I have to tell you...I am on the way to my future, to being the woman God has deemed to be, qualified with love, and I will not allow peoples' previous predjuices or any fears I may have in preventing me from being my most excellent self, and if I'm challenged by my exerpts here? Well,I don't think I want to be at the knees of Jesus and admit I wasted the talents he provided me.

God is SO good....

Final Touch...for my Mom

It would be a wonderful thing to use the term "final touch" as the feeling one would have upon entering heaven....as the final touch, from Jesus to me, or any of us. But I have to tell you it has everything to do with my Mother, Tillie, who I lost November 2007, and with grace of God I've beena able to accept her death for two reasons...God answered her prayers....to not go into the dark night (due to Alzheimers)...and to not be a burden on anyone in her family. She made me promise her that none of "her girls"(her four daughters')would take on the responsibility of caring for her if she lived long enough for Alzheimers to completely capture her (because she had seen it first hand with my sister Theresa's mother-in-law). Her prayer to God was to take her before she went into the dark night....that was the thing that scared her most. She said to me in one of our coffee clatches before I left on a Sunday morn....."I will live as long as I possibly can"....and she did. In her eulogy I stated that it was more important for us to realize God's answer to her prayer, before He answered OUR prayer to keep her with us.

Throughout my lifetime, I have always appreciated my Mother's need to have really nice domestics throughout the bedrooms, and the bathroom as well. I have realized this is one of the few luxuries she experienced, when life just got a little easier....where she could splurge. And the fact she did it with comforters, sheets, curtains, bath gear and doilies...we can't forget the doilies...ever present of her memories of her Mom. I remember Grandmom's doilies, and I loved them. I use doilies to this day....wherever deemed appropriate. Regardless, it is the memory of my grandmother I cherrish.

So....I was visiting my home state of PA recently, and when I pulled a towel from the hall closet, I instinctivly smelled it. I recalled my mothers insistance of good smelling softner. If it didn't produce allergic reations, it was a winner.

So with this recent visit to PA, you'd think I'd grab the Swiss Farms Tea Cooler, or the Habbersett's Scrapple to return home with me....given my past habits,
but this time I sought for the laundry softner Final Touch. I didn't have the time to search the 'right' store for the product before I left PA, but I thought, I will search the stores in my area, and perhaps I will find it. Well I did, and I can now say I have done two loads of laundry with the final touch added to the rinse cycle.

I will remember my Mother in many ways, but can I say how pleased I am to remember her with smell.