God's Perfect Timing, Part 3

Well, I know it's been a few weeks, but with good reason. I had stated in Part 2 there were some things "out there" I needed to think about. Think and pray about.

One of the things I am grateful for these days is the self control I've embraced within my thinking, and actions. I am not so impulsive and can now share readiness for Part 3 of God's Perfect Timing.

Whatever is stated herein has as it's root my experience with Life Coaching training. There's been a lot of introspection. Lots of challenges with letting go and moving forward.

Letting Go

I spent years thinking about the things I knew I needed to let go of, but my year of letting go actually began in 2007. In 2007 I was in a year of saying goodbye to my mother, who was in declining health,and diagnosed with Alzheimer's mid stage; and here I was four hundred plus miles away. It was heart wrenching, but I drove home once a month for the last year of her life, ending in November.

I was also at a crossroads in my marriage. I can say I welcomed the escape to my mother's home, giving me breathing space; to think, to pray, and to try and understand God's will for my life. There were things inside the marriage that were 'just not right' and I knew it. I asked constantly for counseling; it was denied. I was fighting a losing battle. I also knew I wasn't going to tolerate the things that were just not right. When I sought pastoral counseling at the decision of dissolving my marriage, I challenged my counselor for not trying me to convince me to stay. He responded, "If Jesus was sitting right there in that chair, would He tell you to stay?" My God of mercy certainly would not. My God who frowns upon divorce made me wonder. The bible states approval of divorce in only one faction; infidelity. This was not the thorn inside the marriage. So you may wonder, what the heck I'm referring to? It really doesn't need to be displayed here, but know that I have accepted my behavior in the marriage in defense of the offense. I was on survival mode more than not. Enough said.

Letting go of my church family has been very hard. I have missed those I was close to and although I wasn't communicating with them on a regular basis when my marriage was ending, when I stopped attending services many red flags were raised. Those who knew I was on survival mode knew I had come to an impasse. When I reached out, they were there.

Regarding my ex-husband's home; stated specifically as such, on purpose. It was never my house/my home. Oh, I embraced the task of trying to make it a home, and I think I did that, because everyone sang my praises to my decorating skill....thank you HGTV....but the love and peace you envision was a brief visitor. When I stated my decision to leave the marriage, I was told to leave with everything I arrived with (I had a full house when we merged households). I wondered if he really understood what he was demanding. When I would leave with all I brought, his house would echo. ...Enough said here as well.

My job ending in Dec '08 extended through April '09. I was ready to move on, knowing there were no options for me remaining with the company due to the level of downsizing they were involved in.

The loss of each was different. Some were easy, some were hard. I functioned under stress, kept my sense of humor, shared wisdom with friends, made promises of connectedness, and prepared financially for what may come down the road.

Moving Forward

When I was losing my job, so were 22 others on my team. All of us....replaced. There were a lot of rollercoaster emotions over the nine months we waiting to be released. (OK, how many of you just thought about pregnancy/birth with that last sentence?) Well, the women, you can imagine, various stages of life, and desperation. Then we had the three men, cool as cucumbers, said for the one who had a family of five children. He was finally able to transition into another position, and for him I am glad.

To my point; when things were getting hairy I decided to make a wall of quotes in my cubicle. Could I provide hope for the future (Jer 29:11, life scripture)....by my trust in God. My team, aware of my viewpoints, always discreet; an undercurrent of my effect on them. I began with Phil 4:6 "Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." I put up a few others, one funny, and three that just made you think. Others followed...with humor and future goodness prevailing. I was dealing with the loss of the job while still working it with the same level of work ethics I have lived all my life. I tried to be an encouraging spirit to the team. I hope I succeeded.

While dealing with the loss of the job I knew I needed to reinvent myself. God had been whispering to me for a long time, and my experience with my former company was proof of the natural talents I had and how I could use them....hence my walk toward Life Coaching. I have applied myself, immersed myself in the challenges in a genuine God appointed mindset, and have reaped a multitude of benefits. In the meantime, I need a full time job until my Life Coaching practice is up and running as my sole income, so I am looking for new employment, recently interviewing for two positions. Hopefully, something will come my way.

I have come to terms regarding the possibility of me returning to my former church. I had prayed once before for God's direction and remember waking with peace one Sunday, where I decided not ambush my ex-husband by showing up at the same service. It was a challenge by a few, but I just couldn't do it. However, recently....in my search for a new church I still have struggles. I miss my former church family, but I still have them. I don't need the four walls to have them in my life. I have visited a nearby church, but my ex-husband's first wife and children attend. Recently I was at the same service with them and I realized I would still be chiseled into a specific service to avoid someone.....not a good sign. With all I've been through, with all the pastoral counseling, with all the feedback from friends who care about my feelings, and for the whisper of God, I feel I am motivated to finding a new environment for a new start, as I am today....healthy.

So the search continues, but I know God is moving me forward, to prosper me, to give me a hope for a future. I have two other churches on my list, so we'll see where God leads. I need the music of the Evangelical environment...and my final two choices could provide this. One is small, one is huge. In the smaller one, I would be signaled out; I would be the new face. The larger one; I could enjoy a level of anonymity and could get comfortable before someone singled me out. Right now, anonymity would be welcomed. Again we'll see where God leads.

You see, everything really is in God's time and I understand that more now in my life than ever before. I know what He expects of me....I know, and I will address such. I know what is needed for me to move forward and in everything prayer and supplication....for I do not worry....for I trust my Lord and Saviour, with the Holy Spirit to provide the the capability to "hear the whisper of God." - Ralph Waldo Emerson.....I seem to gravitate to this quote....primarily because it hangs my living room and I cannot avoid it's presence.

Letting to and moving forward.....all in God's perfect timing.