Walking the Talk

Saturday's Life Coach training session caught me off guard. I had set goals, to exercise 5 days, 30 minutes, for 4 weeks. I was so pumped up because I want to lose the last 20 lbs of my 5 year marriage. As I shed the weight, psychologically I am coming back to who I was physically before I remarried. Coming back to who I was emotionally and spiritually will take a little longer. I'ts not that I dwell on the pains of the marriage, because I certainly don't think about the marriage every day, but the aftermath of the marriage has caused changes in my spirit.

The Life Coach training has challenged me....and to explain being caught off guard? I did not follow through with the exercise plan. I only exercised 4 days. Why? I had to help my daughter with something, and when I returned home, I didn't go out of my way to exercise...I got busy with other stuff. Why? I chose to not hold myself accountable for Thursday's exercise. And I don't have a good reason either. When challenged with the idea of using the treadmill - believe me - I really wasn't looking forward to it. I hate to exercise. I even named my exercise program, the "get it over with program"....to induce a motivation within my mind for the goal I would like to reach. When I had to explain to my trainer the lack of exercise on Thursday, I was actually embarrassed to state I didn't have any excuse. It wasn't like the errand I ran with my daughter took all day. I realized I don't have any problem letting myself off the hook. Certainly, this is not walking the talk. This morning, I was on the treadmill, but within 15 minutes I was nauseous...so I think I need to tweak the schedule. Not like this is rocket science, but perhaps I should eat before I exercise?

While writing this entry, I have had to say to myself "You know why you can let go of the schedule, the exercise, etc".....I think I've been in a period of personal rebellion. I was so controlled in my marriage, I think I'm kinda relieving myself of the guilt posed on me when I changed any schedule in the 5 year marriage. I think I'm just trying to make decisions again, without someone over my shoulder questioning every decision. This is why the emotional and spiritual part of me will take longer. He beat me down.....and it takes just a wee bit more time to rise above the crap.

Another challenge to come out of Saturday's session was the realization I have become not only complacent, I have been polarized (particularly on the recent rainy days)...where I just sit at my computer, and sometimes stare out the window at the rain. I know I've been trying to be frugal with my money, strategizing my errands, planning better, and only shopping for perishables when needed. I eat most my meals here at home using the food in the house, and have not fallen prey to cravings. I think I'm ok, but I have to say this time off thing is beginning to bother me. I don't feel like I'm contributing to anything right now. I have fallen into periods of lonliness, and have done my best to not fall into depression.

Given all this, I still need to address the idea of setting my goals for the day, and accomplishing them. I need to follow through in order to be authentic and genuine when I actually begin my coaching business. I'm not striving for perfection, but I think I should be striving for accountability to myself.

Taking the Lord's Name in Vain

This has become a question for me;however, before I dissect this question, can I share a memory? I wanted to develop a bible study for the youth group taking the ten commandments into hand as to the reasoning for them to remain children of God, and striving to achieve such promise. OK, that was rhetoric, but the motive behind it was to express the true meaning behind all ten commandments and apply the meaning to their lives...their teenage lives. Sorry to say, it was an idea that never got off the ground. When I approached my church as to the possibility of teaching, I was diverted to become involved in something my church was already ministering to. AT the time I was bewildered. I couldn't quite understand why I would not be given an opportunity to share my wisdom, when our pastor always told us...if God puts something on your heart...you should move toward it. I tried, and I was denied. So be it, it was many years ago, I have grown, matured, but the memory is something I still struggle with. Not bitter, bittersweet. What I really had to contend with was God's timing, not mine. And in that I can now express my feelings about the third commandment.

I know we, who are amongst the word, even in the minimal sense, know what it means when we read, or hear the following:"thall shalt not take the name of the Lord,thy God in vain." We may think we know, know...what it means to us, individually; however, let me try to break down my perception of this commandment.

Given: if we swear, Jesus Christ Almighty....we are taking our Lord's name in vain

Given: if we swear, Jesus, Mary and Joseph...we are taking our Lord's name in vain

Given: if we swear, Christ Almighty!....we are taking our Lord's name in vain

Given: if we swear, God damn...we are taking our Lord's name in vain

Given: if we swear, God dammit...we are still taking our Lord's name in vain

NOW: Here's the challenge...

How about when we pray? Do we take our Lord's name in vain?

Think about it? How do we pray? How do we engage our Lord in our prayer? I can remember, for years, the leaders of our Worship Team, initiating prayer...and using some pretty lofty verbiage at that. I was always uncomfortable in even listening to such repetitive language regarding our Lord and our Father. How many times do we :need: to say Lord, Father, in every expression of our prayer. It's one thing to rise to the occasion and use lofty language to bring God to our prayer, but, think about it....hasn't the invitation of two or more in the room, an invitation for God to join us? I believe, through scripture, Matt 18:20...where it validates God's presence in our midst.

Now, there were times when I actually led the Worship Team's prayer before we began service. I always approached my prayer to a 'talking to God' prayer...no lofty language involved. Example: Dear Lord, you know that half of us, perhaps more would have loved to sleep in this morning, and you know the struggles we all conquered by our presence today. Lord, please give us a reason to engage in our congregation today....gazing into the eyes of need. In Jesus name I pray...

That's all there was to it. I didn't have to preface every phrase by preceding it with Lord, Father......are you kidding me? Doesn't God know he is our Lord and Father...and can't we address our prayers to the given moment? I tell you, I was so frustrated by the lofty, I wondered if my approach was wrong. I know there are many of you who would tell me that God answers the genuine heart....and in my naturalness of my approach to my relationship with God in prayer....I have to say I have done my best NOT to take the name of the Lord my God in vain. I don't need lofty words to pray to Him...because He knows me. He knows I can just talk to Him...in everything.

SO, in closing, may I suggest one point. I know, there should be at least three points when closing an argument, but this isn't an argument...so I'm just gonna share one. If we are sincere in our prayer....then when we refer to our Lord and Father, then it has enough merit at the very beginning of the prayer, and that's it!

Please give us the courage of mind to understand the meaning behind our third sacrament of Christ....do not allow God's name to be used superficially? In Jesus name I pray...

Who Am I in Christ?

I am his child, called to a personal relationship with Him, through his son Jesus Christ. I have clear memories of when I realized God was real in my life. I was 12 and my little ditty of a prayer was the link in my faith. I realized when something important was happening in my life, and I needed an answer to whatever; I would say this little prayer. I also knew that once that little ditty left my lips I would accept any answer given. I knew I was counting on God to help me understand what will be, or not be. To this day this little ditty is the foundation of my faith in God. It’s kinda like how I used to pray to St. Anthony in my childhood to help me find something lost. I always thanked God for St. Anthony, but you know what? I actually have matured enough as a Christian to lay way to the middle man and go straight to the top. I have been invited, and I understand the faith more now than ever. Today, as a mature Christian, I kinda tease God…and say ok, Lord, I really need you to help me find this thing…and I really don’t want to call on St. Anthony,lol. He always leads me to the lost item, and I thank him for it. You see, my relationship with God is so personal. It really is between me and Him. He is the only person I am accountable to; but when you really have a one on one with God, you are able to be the most honest. Because God’s love is unconditional, you know that if you reveal your heart, the sin, and the troubling reasons behind the action of the sin?;then, and only then, do you realize God will forgive you of anything. If we, as humans, could do the same? That would be wonderful!

In this exercise, I’m supposed to share what I have learned thus far in my training. Debbie told me the first four lessons were just for me. Explained, it identified those things I needed to question, and then ponder. I have pondered, and I have been challenged, and I am one of those ‘students’ who loves the homework. The homework is the growth piece. Given a challenge within the homework I rise to the occasion all the time. Already, this assignment called for at least 300 words, I’ve typed 426 and I still have more to say.

God has been leading me to this current adventure for a long time, but it is only through becoming a mature Christian and in trusting Him for the plan to be unfolded, I walk toward the current goal of Life Coach. I have always been someone who has gone out of her way to use humor to reach people. I understand the frailties of the human spirit. I have always stood up for the underdog, confronting that person who degrades, where you cannot leave the conversation without giving them an example, as a devil’s advocate, to understand the very person they are mocking. I have been in the corner for friends who have struggled, providing love and encouragement; letting them know I am there to listen and love on. I have to say, there are many who give back the love so willingly, and the child in me is grateful, because, if you think about it, we spend an awful lot of time seeking acceptance. Truth be known?...this is why God is in my life. We don’t fight, we don’t judge. We have a pretty cool relationship, and if God believes I can pass on my wisdom, and provide a loving nature to help others to be their excellent selves, then Lord, please use me. I honestly believe, late bloomer as I have always been, that God has put people in my life over the past three years who gave me momentum to the natural spiritual gifts I possess. Shame on me not to use them. I don’t want to be in the glory of God’s presence and have to admit I wasted those gifts. It‘s like in Matthew 25:14-30 with the parable of the talents. I don’t want to be the one who fears his master and does not cultivate. I want to rise to the challenge of God to be the best I can be, to be in service to Him through helping others to gain the knowledge and belief, that they can be their excellent self, God inspired, Holy Spirit guided.

The little ditty? God, if it’s good for me, let me have it, and if not…take it away.

A Diversion to the subject of Michael Jackson

I feel a strong urge to speak to the matter of Michael Jackson's death today. The uncanny thing about this is?...I have struggled with the need to blog, but not feeling any urge to do so, thinking I didn't have anything worthy to share...things are ok, I'm progressing in baby steps; however, I have to now speak to the passing of Michael.

Before I do so, can I also share of my saddness of the passing of Farrah Fawcett...she was Charlie's Angel, however, she was also a woman who rose to the challenge of cancer...if you saw her documentary you would understand that in her dying, she became who she is inside. She struggled, was humble, grateful, and she yearned to die of something other than cancer. RIP Farrah.

The thing that scares me is the fact that an icon died today. We, the public, will have to rehash the crap of his life...the stuff that he was exonerated of...yet, the public still judges, and that's just not right. God judges, and only God judges. How dare we, as individuals, within our own value system, feel the right to judge this man. There are always two sides of the story, but a phrase from a John Mayer song comes to mind.....'cause when they own the information...Oh, they can bend it all they want"...since the penny papers the editors of any major newspaper could and have bended it all they want.

I admit, I have been shaken by the attacks on his life...and because I'm just one of those little people, I sometimes wonder why, why, this man has been the butt of our jokes. I'm sad, because, this man, will be judged, probed, exonerated (God given) and a spectacle of what our society has become. And the thing that scares me most?...can we, as children of God, say this man is guilty? I don't know about you, but I'm gonna side with God.

The Partnership of Goals and Discipline

Ok, so this past Saturday in my LC training, I was asked to list the goals I had set for myself in my lifetime that I actually accomplished, and then again for the goals I set and didn't accomplish. The first thing that caught me was my very short list of goals.....in my life? Given my childhood, I was on survival mode, self-victimized by my fractured family. I can remember at 14 wondering why I had so much responsibility? Well, I knew why - I just wanted to know why? I was only 14 - surely there had to be a better plan for me out there! When I realized that most of my life has been a journey of survival, it's no wonder I didn't have more goals.

When I looked at the goals I set and didn't accomplish? Well...as a young adult I wanted to learn to play the piano. More recently was the desire to read more fiction. I don't have a problem with the non-fiction books....there are a slew of them, and they are heavily tabbed. However, even more recent than the desire to read more was the image was one, overwhelming treadmill. I think I've owned it for 3?, 4? years?, and can admit to wasting the space it sits in. However, this treadmill is the answer to three things - it will be serving for me the actuality of goals, discipline and losing the marriage weight. It dawned on me all the guilt I have felt for wasting this piece of equipment, but more so, it serves as a way to remind me of failed promises to myself.

So, why is personal discipline so difficult? One easy answer.....if we blow something off that isn't life threatening or mandatory, it's very easy to be un-disciplined. Rationalization for changing our mind, changing our plan, changing our motives - the one thing consistent is the word change. When we 'change' our minds etc, the only one we're fooling is ourselves.....because we are the accountable party, rationalization becomes our partner....not the goal or the discipline.

I have wanted to lose the marriage weight since I left the marriage, but I certainly didn't want to announce it....more accountability. I slowly cut back, and over 8 mths time I lost 16 lbs. Now that's wonderful, and I do feel a little lighter....however, no one noticed because I need to lose at least 25 before the world sees the result.

My LC training is putting the treadmill on my forehead for lack of a better metaphor. Debbie, my trainer, helped me approach the dreaded treadmill in a different way. She shared the story of Chantel Hobbs who has written a book on weight loss. She used a 5 x 30 x 4 program. When Debbie explained the concept of the program and the motive to changing our brain, I was instantly intrigued. Could I partner my goals with this kind of discipline? The 5 x 30 x 4 explains disciplining myself to 5 days, 30 minutes, and 4 weeks. Bite size goals.....which builds the discipline and helps me lose the weight, dismiss the guilt of looking at an unused treadmill, AND serves as a way for me to realize my "authentic self."

Last night, I spontaneously sat down to my computer, and decided to develop my program....taking a piece of Hobbs plan as well as a commentary Debbie made to me when she shared another story of how her friend, (who apparently doesn't need to exercise, 'cause she's in shape - I know where you just went in your mind! Duh, her exercising is keeping her in shape, what a concept) states she just needs "to get it over with." She runs every morning and gets it over with. I have developed my personal "GET IT OVER WITH PROGRAM." I even drew up a contract to myself to remind me of my new found desire for discipline.

Happy to say I woke up this morning at the specified time, walked the 30 minutes, and I got it over with. Guess what? It was so easy....I just had to be ready for a concept I could wrap my head around.

I chose - it wasn't something I had to do, like empty kitty litter.....it was something I chose to do for myself. In doing we teach, in doing we learn.

Happy Monday everyone!

The question raised this past week in my life coaching training is how you realize your "authentic self"...and I realized that ther may be many don't really care. They go about their business and take on whatever challenges they face, however, when doing so ...do they "be" their authentic selves...or someone else? Are they someone they think others want to see, or better yet, someone they want to be...regardless of the authentic self that may be screaming to come to be? This is part of our journey...to really embrace our authentic selves...and in God's world it would be someone who can be selfless...a very hard task, giving when taking might be so much easier.

This past week, I have been challenged with being my authentic self...throwing out the perception of what others have thought about me as well as their expectation of what I am capable of. God has brought me this far...I guarantee He will bring me the rest of the way.

I love my life now...I am me, again. I am reaching for the stars because I don't have anyone in my life to tell me that's impossible. I want to reach others who are stiving to be their authentic selves...and I gotta tell you....being me is the best gift I wake up to every morning...Thank You, Lord.

why a blog?

When I shared my future plans with peers, one suggested I blog..... I thought how interesting that some would want to follow my steps toward my future. Anywho, I realized it's a wonderful way to share the challenges I will face, as well as the ah-ha moments I might realize as well.

When I was laid off from my job, the first thing I did was indulge in sleeping without an alarm clock....it only took a week for my body clock to advance to 7:30 a.m.....already gaining two hours. I would have my coffee and breakfast with Ellen, and for a week, just meandered my way around the house. By week two, I was in the throes of unpacking the rest of my house. I de-boxed all my books, erected shelves, donated over 100 books to the town, and felt a sigh of relief that I was downsizing from material things and feeling the split from clutter. I actually thought of being a "clutter cleaner" for anyone who needs assistance in simplifying their lives. I haven't completely thrown this idea out the window.....

NOW.....this Life Coach certification program? I have had my first session with my trainer Debbie, who lives in WA. Our rapport was easy and full of common ground. I am pleased she was chosen to train me. The first session was a get to know you and we actually got through most of the first module. The first four modules actually challenge the student to identify their authentic self....and the questions are a checkpoint of our value system and our behaviours surrounding those values. Are we living our values, and do our behaviours align with such? HMMMMMM - I was missing one element. Discipline.....self-discipline. I realized that since I've been home I haven't had every day planned, and some days I just pushed things off because there wasn't any accountability....I was the only one I was pleasing or disappointing....so what? I have not moved into a boss/employee relationship with myself. Being a sanguine personality, I can be very fickle when my choices have no real fallout. As long as I don't hurt anyone, I can put many things off till I'm in the mood - really? Well I was wrong....I need to be accountable to me if I'm going to achieve my goals.....how's that>?

So, I have finally initiated my blog...welcome!

I am on my way to becoming the person I was meant to be, and with that I invite all of you who are interested in my journey, as well as those of you I prompt some feedback from where you can meet, greet, debate, challenge...and down right tell me I'm wrong. I am here to learn and share. More to come....